I've kept myself busy
I've found a job
Climbing the mountains of clothes
Befriending dust, colors and distant voices
I wanted to capture the empty streets of this city
Because I found out it can speak to me only through its empty streets
A sight seeing of the invisible
I am a bad tourist
Tourist who always complains about its hurting feet, empty pocket and bad orientation
I didn't know where Mathematical bridge is even after spending almost a year here.
But I've known the empty streets; The dusty eyes of the windows;
One curtain, always left hanging outside, murmuring to the wind of its lonely being;
In the rare hours when I am not climbing the mountain of clothes
I am wandering, trying to focus or lose sight of all that is obvious
I don't want to befriend obvious I want to keep this slow conversation with the city
My voiceless cry don't bother it. Cambridge has known silent criers before
Long before me
One more on the pile of leaves, one more dimming shadow, caressing the old stone walls, the newer bricks, which no longer will be as red as they once were. Oh wish I could bring back my colors too. But this conversation is about something else. Very often I am trying to avoid it, cowardly. Trying once more to go back to it becomes harder and harder.
Have I told you? I am losing my hearing. My right ear is muffled. I've heard a muffled sound of the church's bells. A few miles away Steven Hawking has died. In the same day when i was trying to talk to the city. I was wondering why the streets are so crowded. People look so cheerful when mourning.
Perhaps nothing ever ends. Nothing ever ends well or bad. Nothing, especially conversations with empty cities like this one.
Some subjects are hard to avoid. My silence, my empty pocket, my muffled ear, my misery for no reason - let me be clear, I am not proud of the fact I can only befriend emptiest streets. At least I am borrowing books from the city's library. Nia's advice - 'Make sure you have a library card once you step there!' I did.
Cambridge speaks through its books. I am a blind borrower. I never know what to read. I read books from the 50th page and back. Or sometimes like a normal reader. Or whatever the mood is. Moody borrower. There is something astonishing about books that are not mine. Back home I used to always buy books. I used to flirt with them in the book store for a while, until I have money to afford them. I was befriending books. Here - all books are strangers. With food stains, coffee stains, stains of ashes and dust. Stamped by human fingers all over.
The first book I saw was by an old friend - the Irishman with the blue eyes. Cambridge lend Belacqua's voice to tell me - where only stones are found at the end - something begins. Becket's eho's bones left me scattered. I am nobody here. I have a few gems well kept. My irony, my contemplation, my hurting bones - my senses. Have I told you I am losing my mind? No, I am losing my hearing. At the beginning of this year I went to a school. The place I hated the most when I was younger. Back to school, I said. They've taught me how to use a muffled microphone, how to connect it to a camera. Do you know what muffler is?, they asked. I was only guessing. I was eager to learn. Soon my ear got muffled. You learn. You always somehow anyhow do learn.
Cambridge always wants to speak to me. Even when my mood got bitter. It speaks to me with an Irish voice and in Japanese language. It speaks of knowledge and it likes to remind me of all things yet unknown. It blabs about landscape, old bones, scattered female souls and lost men. If I ever write a letter again it will be addressed to Cambridge. Mathematical Bridge. I am writing to you, to tell you I was a non-believer. I was afraid of numbers, thought they have nothing to do with poetry. I was afraid of water too. But math is building bridges. Non-believers and converts both needs them to cross paths. And so Cambridge suddenly took over a female voice who spoke of building waves (Taeko Tomioka). The bulldozers are digging, the layers of earth are revealing, today just like thousands of years ago, earthly fears and empty attempts.
My salty questions. My half-empty glass.
The conversation often ends like this - I am starting to read the book, at the minute I realize it's the city speaking to me, I am closing the page. Check the time. Thinking of hurrying up, letting myself remember of my aching bones and so on, and so on.
I am taking another book to forget about the old conversation.
Only to find out the author of the newly borrowed book (Natsume Soseki) was once living in Cambridge. Poor, miserable and unsatisfied. The shy man with clean and tidy shoes, with European costume, with his very own sharpness - utterly Japanese. I am reading one of his unpopular books. Only to find out he once wrote how unhappy he was here.
I am not trying to be happy anywhere. That's for sure. Man, I am not even trying.
But I will have new friends. And I will walk from end to end all the empty streets here. Because they are numbers and poems and strangers to fall in love with. They are the beating heart, the hurting bones, the core of every stone. And The British Still Use "Stone" As A Weight Measurement ... I have to befriend every stone and to imagine its way from one place to another. May be I will see more clearly the point of my own movement - from one place to another.
Thanks to National Film and Television School, FutureLearn - I had the most interesting time discussing cinema and learning so much with people from all over the globe.
Practice does matter, so thanks to Cambridge TV School for their Saturday Course. It was an intense 8 weeks adventure, challenging and rewarding. I won't lie it is very hard to adapt to a new country, non-stop translating all my thoughts, trying to understand and be understood, but that's the result of the choices I've made. I believe in The path and I'm eager to see what's next on it.
Here are the videos I've been working on (shooting, logging and editing) at Cambridge TV School!
Интервю с мен и малко фотографии и рисунки в бр. 5 на американското независимо списание за стрийт фотография The Streets Magazine. Благодарности на Meredith M Howard за интереса към моята работа и приятния разговор.
Hello guys! Check out some of my photographs, paintings, and an interview with me in the new issue of The streets Magazine! Thanks to the wonderful Meredith M Howard for including my work in it and the nice talk!
This month's issue is for free but you can check out and support the previous issues! Thanks! Enjoy!
Ето, че и 2017 г. ще бъде година, изпълнена с предизвикателства, вдъхновение и...възможности - да вложа енергията, любовта, идеите си и времето си в проекта, който започнах миналата година.
Инсталацията ми "Калиптра" продължава своето пътешествие :)
Щастлива съм да ви споделя, че работата ми влезе в тазгодишната селекция на Наканоджо Биенале в Япония (като част от българския павилион на артистите от Водна кула арт фест). Все още има много въпросителни и работата за мен тепърва започва. Вълнувам се много, че получавам такава невероятна възможност, но и знам, че тя нямаше да дойде, ако не бяха Христо Харлов, Ния, моят любим Тодор, великите ми приятели, които направиха какво ли не, за да си повярвам малко повече и поне да пробвам.
Има много неща за планиране, финансовата част, разбира се, но ! Пълна съм с надежда и творчески заряд. Нямам търпение да видя Страната на Изгряващото слънце, да срещна нови хора, както и прекрасните артисти от Япония, с които се запознах, благодарение на Водна кула арт фест.
Скоро ще ви разкажа повече за проекта и за това как бихте могли да помогнете Калиптра да стигне до Япония! <3 към всички, които са изчели дотук :D хора, моля ви не се поддавайте на апатията, правете своите си неща, въпреки всичко и ако трябва - въпреки себе си...понякога има смисъл да прекрачиш собственоръчно поставените ограничения. оттатък се разкрива чудесна гледка ;)
Calyptra is COMING soon and transformed in...Japan! That's the big NEWS I was so eager to tell you! To me, the real work has just begun! My installation will be part of this year 中之条ビエンナーレ Nakanojo Biennale Exposition! I am so excited for this amazing opportunity! It wouldn't come to this without Christo Harlov, Nia, my love Todor and my mesmerizing crew of best friends Alex, Mariana, Els and everybody-els who supported me in any way possible!
Still, there are a lot of questions and work to be done, the financial part of it of course, but hey - I am full of hope and desire to create.
I am looking forward to my trip to The Land of the Rising Sun, meeting up with new people and of course with the great Japanese artists I've met thanks to Водна Кула Арт Фест / Water Tower Art Fest
You can learn more about my project here
If you wanna support my mission to get Calyptra to Japan I will soon let you know how to do it! <3 thank you all! Love, Foxe